var Quotation=new Array() // do not change this!

// Set up the quotations to be shown, below.
// To add more quotations, continue with the
// pattern, adding to the array.  Remember
// to increment the Quotation[x] index!

Quotation[0] = "The report of my death was an exaggeration.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Mark Twain";

Quotation[1] = "Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Ray Romano";

Quotation[2] = "Russia's a little bit like a critically ill patient. Every day you have to get up and take the pulse and hope that nothing catastrophic happened the night before.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Condoleeza Rice ";

Quotation[3] = "Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Sam Ewing";

Quotation[4] = "Email to a friend...   They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Milton Berle";

Quotation[5] = "You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Flip Wilson";

Quotation[6] = "I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work.<br><br>\n"+
"-- A. E. Matthews ";

Quotation[7] = "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Winston Churchill";

Quotation[8] = "Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.<br><br>\n"+
"-- John Alexander Thom";

Quotation[9] = "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Mark Twain";

Quotation[10] = "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Unknown";

Quotation[11] = "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. <br><br>\n"+
"-- Homer Simpson";

Quotation[12] = "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?";

Quotation[13] = "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. <br><br>\n"+
"- Henny Youngman";

Quotation[14] = "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.";

Quotation[15] = "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. <br><br>\n"+
"-- Albert Einstein";

Quotation[16] = "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.<br><br>\n"+
"--George W. Bush";

Quotation[17] = "My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. <br><br>\n"+
"-- Socrates";

Quotation[18] = "Successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.<br><br>\n"+
"-- German Greer ";

Quotation[19] = "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Homer ";

Quotation[20] = "Two monologues do not make a dialogue.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Jeff Daly ";

Quotation[21] = "When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Ralph Waldo Emerson ";

Quotation[22] = "The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Washington Irving ";

Quotation[23] = "Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Samuel Butler ";

Quotation[24] = "Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Anonymous ";

Quotation[25] = "There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Henry Kissinger ";

Quotation[26] = "Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Michael Levine ";

Quotation[27] = "If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?<br><br>\n"+
"-- Lilly Tomlin.";

Quotation[28] = "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Rich Cook.";

Quotation[29] = "The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Eric Porterfield";

Quotation[30] = "There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.<br><br>\n"+
"-- unknown";

Quotation[31] = "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Nathaniel Borenstein";

Quotation[32] = "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Rodney Dangerfield";

Quotation[33] = "When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Rita Rudner";

Quotation[34] = "In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Erma Bombeck";

Quotation[35] = "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.<br><br>\n"+
"-- Woody Allen";


// ======================================
// Do not change anything below this line
// ======================================
var Q = Quotation.length;
var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1));
function showQuotation(){document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]);}